I don't know what to say; this has been quite a week. You get this kid, and we are State Champions. Mm-hmm. This is the big time, alright. Throw the ball, you stupid frog! [Stan and Kyle merely look at him and say nothing] Ah, screw you guys. Oh, glorious day! [A temple scene comes up. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now let the [thumps the table, and his partner's mike falls] champions of dodgeball be deshide! TV Screenplays N through Z Download Free PDF TV Screenplays (Click on links below to download PDF scripts) Naked_Hotel_1x01_-_Pilot Ah-I'm terribly sorry, Nurse Gollum. [uncertain] Uuh. You-you don't understand, children. Hello, there. MackeySheila and Gerald BroflovskiSharon and Randy MarshChefMr. But Chef, you just ripped on Chinese people. [coming over] Okay, children. Last year's national champions were the Austin Pirates. Blood pours out quickly. Did you hurt your nose? It'll be glorious. Well, we might as well get this over with; we've gotta start thinking about D.C. Let's say around 8:00? I don't want to be treated special orh-or treated gingerly or-I just want to be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of like all the rest of you do to each other. Oh, I don't know. The Chinese team watches as Pip picks up speed, and the players gasp. You got crepes in your ears? She's on the toilet, and she clamps her legs shut, with hands before them for added security. The clowns place him on the other side of the stretcher, then pick up the stretcher and walk away. Good thing they have those big eyes so that they don't have to rery on that amazing American interrect. Okay, children. I don't suppose they'll have any problems seeing the ball with their big American eyes! Let me try, let me try. [The Chinese serve, The first one out is Clyde, who tumbles all the way to the wall]. You shouldn't make fun of foreigners. You know, that has a nice ring-. Terri Schiavo's plight drove the story, but the stuff about Kenny playing a video game to save Heaven is a nod to the 1984 movie The Last Starfighter. The 14th episode of the series overall, it originally aired on Comedy Central in the United States on April 1, 1998. You fight for tomorrow Championship banners going back to 1987 hang from the rafters. And there is-a only a one South Park prayer left. Sit down, boys. South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at. Uhow about a hat, then? Hey, you wanna hear my impersonation of American? This should be over veerry shortly. A squad of Chinese kids are exercising as their master gives orders. You got crepes in your ears.". [they laugh], Yeah, Yeah! You get this kid, and we are State Champions. The ball gets him anyway, and he tumbles away], Oooh, another American is down! But sometimes, after the Siamese twins are joined together, one of the twins dies before birth. [A Chinese player takes aim at Cartman, who turns and runs away squealing. There are people on rooftops all over the square cheering as well] Let's hear it for these brave souls! [she kicks him on the shins] OW! "Ike's Wee Wee" is the fourth episode of the second season of the American animated television series South Park. He's going to the nurse's office. His birthday is February 25. Pip gets livid rather quickly], Aaaaaaaaah! In "Conjoined Fetus Lady," we're introduced to the school nurse: She has "Conjoined Twin Myslexia" and was born with a stillborn fetus attached to her head. [Pip and the foursome remain], Alright, boys, jsut five more of the little bastards to go. [Sheila and the priest look betrayed] I just wanted to do my job and live my life like any normal person, but instead, you've made everybody focus on my handicap all week long. Congratulations, you're national champions. You can eat after the game! The crowd cheers up and down as Nurse Gollum walks down the street, alone. I got a jelly roll! Oh. [to Chef] Can we go home now? [releases the ball, and it hits player 6 on the nose. I'm a pretty happy person. Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick? Conjoined Fetus Lady [South Park Gymnasium] Chef is the gym teacher Chef: Ok children it's Friday and you know what that means for PE class. If we had won the world championship, what then? [Chef looks at him], Hey, isn't that kid Kevin Chinese? Hey! I heard she has tentacles and eats children for lunch. It hits Clyde], Jordan, Swanson, pull forward! ], [A tourist sees the bus coming his way and tries to get out of the way, but the bus crashes into the Vietnam Memorial's right wall, and the engine bursts into flames. Oh. The parents applaud]. [Chef blows the whistle to begin play. It hits Mrs. Crabtree on the back of her head], AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Episode 205 - Conjoined Fetus Lady When Kyle says the fetus jiggled: "Eewwww!" Ooohh, so I suppose that's out. I just wanted to do my job and live my life like any normal person, but instead you've made everybody focus on my handicap all week long. The little fetus, did it talk? Let's hear it for the parade coordinators! Now, come on! My mom says there's a lot of black people in China. "What's the matter, Frenchy? I won the game! Apparently, nobody else would play us because they knew we'd just beat 'em silly. I want you all to try and focus on your game. Imagine it! And now, let's hear from the woman of the week, the incredible, courageous, Nurse Gollum! Ihit hurhurts! Can you ever forgive me? Has anybody actually seen the nurse, and come back to tell about it? I get quite disturbed when you call me that! [the room applauds and the spotlight moves from the Mayor to the nurse], [interrupting] Excuse me, Mayor, but I just received some news that you might all be interested in. Usually has a level head, but a visit to the hospital reveals that he has a weak stomach. Now, you did say she has a fetus on her head? [the kids are stunned at this sudden reversal of desire] Come on, forget this stupid game! I caught it! Yeah, but you know, it-it doesn't matter though, the- the Denver team always wins, okay? Wing Lu Kim is Chinese and since she was rescued from the Chinese Mafia by the boys she now lives freely in South Park with her fake Chinese husband Tuong Lu Kim. Damn, Pip. The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka/Script, https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Conjoined_Fetus_Lady/Script?oldid=433645. [wiping away a tear] She's really touched. Be the buhaw-hall! What I really wanna say is
well, -egh this may sound odd coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head, but
you're all a bunch of freaksi>[the crowd is stunnei>, [taking the mike] Uuhh. And if you don't, you're a big dumbass European hippie piece of crap! No it isn't, it hurts! Dude, where is she gonna get fetus clothes? [the South Park team is limping off the court, with Kyle taking his IV unit along]. Gonna need some cream for your ass, because
I didn't know you had it in you. [they laugh harder, and he resumes] Eh. Conjoined Twin Myslexia. [Chef is pissed] You're from South Park, yeah? The 17th episode of the series overall, it first aired on Comedy Central in the United States on May 20, 1998. Thank you, Mayor. 06/03/1998. She looks around and waves] What a glorious parade that was! âConjoined Fetus Ladyâ (season 2, episode 5; originally aired 6/3/1998) This one really takes me back. This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows because she feels like an outcast. "SOUTH PARK" Episode 205 "Conjoined Fetus Lady" Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone, David Goodman INT. I'm not gonna hurt you. Warning This article contains information marked as Mature.In other words, it will have an adult theme and contain scenes and storylines which are unsuitable for readers under 18 years of age. I've been reading up on your poor nurse's condition, and it is nothing to be made fun of. [one of her aides passes out the hats as an organ plays. That's different. Oooh, baby, come on Feeling like an outcast? Congratulations, you're national champions. This is the second time a real video game system (in this case the Sony PSP) served as a plot device. The bus is going through a lovely meadow]. Just whooped Denver's ass We've been working all week against that kind of behavior! [Stan is frightened] Sometimes, this dead twin is inside the living person, so even you could have a dead twin inside you and not even know it! You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity. I have a stillborn fetus growth attached to my head. Damn, man. We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware of folks just like you, Oooohh, yeess, a Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week. I'd appreciate it if both you and Mr. Mackey would attend. Did it talk? Now, you did say she has a fetus on her head? You'll be in the news all over the world. You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity! [two clowns come out with a stretcher and place it next to him] Mommy, it huurts! Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about. What I really wanna say is... well, -egh-- This may sound odd coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head, but... you're all a bunch of freaks! [the team is standing behind a low wall with a trophy at one end, next to Chef]. Right, bubbe? Now, come on! [Randy chases him down] No! Hey, Pip. Now, that's just the kind of unawareness that we need to fight against. They're just young boys. I want to make the public aware of her. Did it talk? Posters line the walls]. Captain Ahab has to get his whale, huh? Maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter. With Pip as their star player, the South Park dodgeball team is off to the championships. The superhero is a frequently used easter egg throughout the show. Well, I certainly want to thank you for bringing your team down. Why did you guys forfeit? All three smile as the roll leaves the sling. Why are we playing dodgeball again? South Park is the world champion in dodgeball. You see, it's not okay to make fun of an American because they're black, brown, or whatever, but it is okay to make fun of foreigners because they are from another country. StanKyleCartmanKennyPipBebeClydeMr. Just whup Denver's ass! I want to invite your nurse to a dinner party at my house this evening. Next time you want to scare the hell out of my child, just go outside and sit in the road until a truck runs you over instead? It would only be a bigger letdown the next year if we. South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at. On the side is a banner that reads], Hiit ita wita great pride, that huwe huwelcome ourn American friends. Kenny is still plastered to the wall] Still aallll Chinese player. That's right! I said, "I've always wanted to visit Prague.". [now, Cartman is frightened. ... For one episode, Butters was called Swanson. No big whoop! [with Clyde and Stan looking on] What? If we win this one, we're world champions! Aren't we supposed to have won something in order to go to State Finals? Come on, limey, don't be a wuss! Mr. [each kid is handed a bowling ball, which he or she throws aganst a brick wall. [puts his hands to his eyelids and opens them wide to simulate American eyes, and talks in a deep voice] Hey. We're going to Washington, D.C.! The living baby is born with the dead baby still attached. She's pretty] Phew. Well, Sharon, I was just trying to educate them about conjoined twin myslexia. This page is a gallery for images from Season Two's "Conjoined Fetus Lady". When our family sits down to dinner and 10-year-old Erica starts riffing on a South Park episode, we share the kind of connection that cultural conservatives claim is all too scarce in American family Life. And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled. Also Kevin Stoley is believed to be Chinese-American. Great news! That is enough! I get quite disturbed when you call me that! She's painting her house orange, and annoyed that Garrison is filming it. [she sounds friendly, but her shadow falls on him]. Can't we just play with that big parachute again or something? Ohh, children, it'll be glorious! [pitches the ball and knocks down players 1 and 13]. [click. China â¢ So now that you're educated about her disease, you won't need to make fun of her. You can eat after the game. Hey! Sit down, boys. Great catch, Kyle! The right wall drops down three feet, taking the front end of the bus with it and raising the back of the bus off the ground five feet. Yes, Principal Victoria, the thought had occurred to me. [Eric bites into a chocolate bar] If we had won the world championship, what then? Yeah. Eh. You throw. The picture of conjoined twins is not of conjoined twins, but members of the musical group The Monkees . [Cartman comes over and sits next to him] You know, Eric? [the kids just look at him]. I let it all go to my head. We're world champions! Look, Pip, the rules are simple. It is up to us to make her feel comf'table and welcome in our town! I just realized something. Yes, we could get you a few hats and wear a different one every day. And just what price would you pay for eternal glory? Chef, Mr. Unfortunately, it would mean my death. So now that you're educated about her disease, you won't need to make fun of her. Yeah. The Cougar fans cheer], Dammit, Come on! Kyle! The scene fades, and the foursome are standing there, awed] Well, good luck. We've been working all week against that kind of behavior! So did you ever think of just, you know, having it cut off? Jordan, Swanson, pull forward! This is your week. à¸à¹à¸à¸à¸à¹à¸³. As this year's Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week draws to a close, I would like to personally thank all of you for your enthusiastic cooperation. Both front doors fall off], [At Grant Elementary's Gym. " Conjoined Fetus Lady " Nurse Mary Gollum, originally referred to as Nurse McSchwartz in The Unaired Pilot, was the school nurse at South Park Elementary, notable for the dead fetus attached to her head, which the students found terrifying. Chef is tending to his injured players. [laughs] Y'all come a-back now, hear? We did it, children, we did it! [nine men are shown, and they cheer back], [up on the podium next to the Mayor] You know, Mayor, I really should be accompanying those kids to Washington in case they get hurt. [grumbling] Yeah, whatever, you old, dried-up, fat ho. She has a dead fetus attached to her head. No, I'm from America. Some of them are being acrobatic, others throw solid spherical weights at each other], They do nothing but dodgeball, day in, and day out. We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware of folks just like you. I guess I heard the term at some point when I was a kid, but having zero exposure to it, I didnât really know what it was. [turns and walks away] And besides, I hate French people! I'm Bob Thomas, the coach for the Denver Cougars. And the winner is [reaches into the envelope], Nurse Gollum!! Add a photo to this gallery Story Elements Nurse Gollum â¢ "Dodgeball Song" â¢ "Conjoined Twin Song" China â¢ Ms. Herman Media Images â¢ Script â¢ Extras â¢ Watch Episode Release South Park: The Complete Second Season What seems to be pissing you off today? Yeah, and if you don't, you're a big dumb-ass European hippie piece of crap. I'm not upset about her. It's Sharon, Stan's mother. This extremely obscure film is also referenced in Season Two's "Conjoined Fetus Lady." No it isn't, it hurts! That is my job. Right, bubbe? [Victoria and Mackey are surprised], Uh. I can't believe they let us play this in school. I heard the school nurse is hideously deformed. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Chinese dodgeball players aren't like us. He and Stan rush out of there]. He's in a nice tuxedo]. [walking over to player 70] Hey, if you wanna make him throw the ball, say this. She's at the supermarket, annoyed, she's trying to cover the camera lens so Garrison would stop filming. Welll, I certainly want to thank you for bringing your team down. Sure! Let's go, Cows! When Stan realizes his mistake and gets the story back on track: "Eewwww!" I let it all go to my head. [exhales] Please forgive us. Hey, you know. Our lives were fine before! 21:58. Full Ep. "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls" is the ninth episode of the second season of the American animated television series South Park. Then you can go on and play the Chinese. Last year's national champions were the Austin Pirates. What seems to be pissing you off today? Well, I'll talk to Nurse Gollum, but I'm sure she'll be delighted. [more cheering. [Cartman farts and tries to fan it away] Oh, I'm sorry, children. [blows his whistle] Play ball! This page contains trivia for "Conjoined Fetus Lady". You got just one more, Pip. You're gonna get us into trouble again. We have a lot of practicing to do! We're going to Washington, D.C.! Well, I'll talk to Nurse Gollum, but I'm sure she'll be delighted. [takes one end of a short bungee cord while Cartman holds the other end] Places! Oh, I'm sorry, children. Roll the tape, please, Mr. Garrison. That nurse is actually pretty cool. Our lives would have to revolve around dodgeball. ], [Principal Victoria's office. Yeah, maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter. He's so fat, it stuck in his belly! Back in the bus. Did you say a fetus, sticking out from her head? [they have a good laugh], Heyheyhey. No, I'm from America. Her disease should be brought to light so that it can be understood rather than made fun of. I can't believe I threw such a ball with my own arm. The foursome look at her, then laugh while Pip observes. [Stan and Kyle fall silent] Just imagine: a big yellow Dodgeball Champions banner hanging in the cafeteria! In "Conjoined Fetus Lady," we're introduced to the school nurse: She has "Conjoined Twin Myslexia" and was born with a stillborn fetus attached to her head. Promise we won't make it too painful. [smacks him off his chair] Keep your damn mouth shut! After suffering a dodgeball injury, Kyle is sent to the school nurse, a seemingly normal woman who just happens to have a conjoined fetus sticking out of her face. I don't believe I know how to play dodgeball. You know, Mayor, I really should be accompanying those kids to Washington in case they get hurt. And actually, I'm not from France--. Okay, Tom, rooks rike A-mericans are getting ready to play. And so, at this honorary dinner we take a look back at our beloved Nurse Gollum and the brave life she has lived. From South Park Cows have just beaten the Washington team credit card the shins ] OW turns to him... Their injuries ] street, alone n't that kid Kevin Chinese? say a fetus, sticking from. 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Called, as long as she does n't have to let the [ thumps the table, and stops... Three smile as the roll leaves the sling what then bringing your down.